The Crooked Cactuar Cantina
Location: Dynamis Halicarnassus, Goblet, Ward 21, Plot 23
Opening Time: Mondays 5pm EST - 10pm EST
About Us
"Come in thirsty. Leave unseen."
The Crooked Cactuar is a weathered cantina tucked away in one of Ul’dah’s lesser-traveled streets. It serves cheap drinks to merchants, miners, adventurers, and caravan guards. Its weather vane depicts a cartoonish cactuar leaning to one side, giving the establishment its name.But there’s more to the cantina than meets the eye. Hidden doors and secret passages lead to a private cellar frequented by thieves, smugglers, and other shady clientele. Despite its less-than-lawful patrons, the Crooked Cactuar enforces a strict code: no violence inside, no cheating fellow patrons, and no bringing the Brass Blades to its doorstep.To most, it's just another dusty Ul'dahn cantina. To those who know where to look, it's one of the city's safest places to disappear.
Partners
If you love coming to The Crooked Cactuar, make sure to check out our partners in the future as well!
Tipsy Whispers
A coffee and cocktail lounge ran by the Buntenders, Liokki and Aki Rhew-setlas. Whether you're looking for a coffee to go with a good book, a romantic date night, or some drinks with friends, their coffee and cocktail lounge has something for you.
Location: Halicarnassus, Lavender Beds, Ward 21, Plot 11
Opening Times: Wednesdays 8PM - 12AM EST
The White Rabbit
The White Rabbit, ran by the lovely Ellie Florence, is a speakeasy-style nightclub where temptation comes alive. Try your luck with the dice, sip exquisite drinks with flirtatious dancers, or indulge in a private evening with a person "Of the Night." Every corner teases your senses, inviting you into a world of mystery, mischief, and unforgettable moments.Location: Dynamis - Seraph - Kugane - Shirogane - Ward 28 - Plot 31
Opening Times: Sundays, 8:00 - 11:00 PM Central
Staff
Owner: Rukka Odion
Blackjack Dealer: Inkor Vaskashin
Bartender/Tarot Reader: Jinnie Yoriichi
Mascot: Chava
Non-Alcoholic Menu
(5,000 gil)
Coffee and Tea
Freshly Brewed Coffee: Hot, Iced, Nitro Cold Brew
(Optional Flavors: Mocha, Caramel, Vanilla)Twilight Lavender Tea : A soothing tea made from lavender harvested in the hours of twilight for peak freshness!Boba Milk Tea: A far eastern milk tea with tapioca bubble pearls!
(Flavors: Lavender, Matcha, Taro)Mulled TeaChamomile Tea
Masala ChaiDirty Chai: Chai with a shot of espresso.
Coco and Cider
Hot Chocolate of Happiness: A mug of delectable hot chocolate with marshmallows and topped with whipped cream!Pixie Apple Cider: The natural sweetness of Ill Mheg pixie apples, the soothing, subtle taste of cinnamon, and a slight hint of oranges make that crisp autumn vibe last year round with this cozy drink.
Cantina and Sweets Menu
(4,000 gil)
Salty and Savory
Pull-Apart Bacon Bread: This pull-apart bread contains cherrywood smoked bacon, stringy mozzarella cheese, and tangy ranch seasoning.Carne Asada Tacos: (Three per order)
Turali street-style carne asada tacos are a local street food scene staple. They feature thinly sliced beef marinated in a flavorful blend of citrus juices, garlic, and spices, then grilled to perfection. The tender, juicy meat is served on small, soft corn tortillas that are slightly toasted. Toppings are typically simple yet fresh, including chopped cilantro, diced onions, and a squeeze of lime juice.Loaded Nachos: A towering heap of fire-fried corn chips layered with char-grilled Rroneek meat, and sharp melted cheese. Finished with lime, sun-chile dust, and a drizzle of tangy spiced crema.
Sweet Treats
Tender Shortcake: A shortcake made with fresh Nopalitender tuna and layered with whipped cream.Bourbon Balls: (Four per order)
Made with bourbon, chocolate wafers, cinnamon and cocoa powder. A delicious treat for anyone that wants something sweet with a boozy kick! Also, a perfect snack to share with friends!
Menu
Specialty Drinks
(5,000 gil)
The Wind Thief: A daring, desert-born cocktail that walks the knife’s edge between heat and smooth charm, just like Rukka. With smoky mezcal, rich date syrup, citrus, and a whisper of spice, it evokes Ul’dahn bazaars, starlit heists, and smoke-filled hideouts. It’s the kind of drink passed quietly across a map-strewn table, shared only with those you trust, or need to outplay.Ink Long Dry: Nearly black in dim light with deep violet highlights around the edges, Ink Long Dry resembles spilled ink on parchment - a fitting tribute to secrets, forged ledgers, vanished names, and jobs whose records “dried long ago.”Bunny Mary: The Bunny Mary is a playful twist on the classic Bloody Mary cocktail, featuring a vibrant blend of carrot juice, vodka, and savory spices. What sets it apart is the addition of carrot juice instead of the traditional tomato juice, lending a subtle sweetness and a vibrant orange hue reminiscent of a carrot patch.Gold Saucer Bomb: This vibrant, high-energy cocktail encapsulates the raucous spirit of its namesake. Sweet peach schnapps, nutty amaretto, a jolt of whiskey, and the caffeinated kick of an energy drink meld together to create a dynamic and potent mix. Its flavor profile balances sweetness from the schnapps and amaretto with a warm, spicy undertone from the whiskey, all giving a fizzy lift from the energy drink.Costa del Sol Sunrise: Made with tequila, freshly grown La Nocsean oranges, and grenadine, it's a taste of the beach without the sunburn!
Shots
(6,000 gil)
Spicy Margarita Shot: Feel the heat with this spicy classic! Classic margaritas are a thing of beauty as-is: cool and icy, with a solid tequila burn and a lime juice zing. But add chile pepper heat, and they will come to life in a whole new way! For lovers of chiles, hot sauce, and spicy, it doesn’t get any better than a spicy margarita.11th Hour Shot: So it all comes down to this: The 11th Hour Shot, which combines 11 different types of booze, including Everclear, Absinthe, Bacardi 151, Jägermeister, tequila, vodka, gin, rum, whiskey, Goldschläger, and Hennessy. Yes, it's a pricey little concoction, but if the party's fadin', you must hit the liquor cabinet and do some raidin'.Cenote Slammer: A refreshing tropical shot inspired by the mystique of the hidden cenotes in the region of Yak T'el. It combines smooth tequila with fresh lime juice, a splash of pineapple juice, and a hint of blue curaçao for a vibrant color. Its bright, citrusy flavors make it a perfect choice for a warm day or a festive occasion.
Regular Drinks
(3,000 gil)
Rum and Coke
Old Fashioned
Whiskey Sour
Espresso Martini
Gin Martini
Vodkatini
House Specials
(7,000 gil)
The Crooked Cactuar: The signature drink of the Crooked Cactuar cantina, this cocktail is built around 1000 Needles Cactuar Fruit Tequila, a spirit prized for its bright desert fruit notes and deceptively dangerous kick. Like the establishment itself, it appears friendly enough at first glance, but has enough sting to remind you to keep one hand on your coin purse. (Does not contain actual cactuar needles!)The Gilded Beast: Inspired by the wealth-glittering avenues of Ul'dah and the lurking dangers beneath them, The Gilded Beast balances sweet, spiced notes with a hidden bite.
Off Menu (not for the faint of heart!)
(10,000 gil)
(WARNING: The Crooked Cactuar is not responsible for lost gil, questionable decisions, or suddenly believing you can challenge a coeurl to a drinking contest.)The Tomato Bomb: Inspired by a Miqo'te that stopped by the cantina one night, hollowed out a tomato on the counter, and said "Hey bartender, fill this with the strongest alcohol that you got!". Luckily, your drink will come in a glass, not a hollowed out tomato.